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Author Topic: The Story of a Hero - Chapter 3  (Read 18193 times)
Brother-Captain Severus, Deserted Legion 3rd Company Master
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« on: September 06, 2006, 11:29:14 AM »

A bit of action. A chapter with guns where no-one gets killed.

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"This weapon here is better known as the Plasma Pistol," Severus said, holding up a Plasma Pistol.
"Yeah," Cassius said, already knowing. "I've seen my sergeant using that weapon. He knew it better as the Sunfury. Anyways, carry on."
"I trust that you already know how to use plasma weaponry, so I'll leave you to using it." Cassius handed the plasma pistol to Cassius. Cassius took it and nodded. Then he swung it around to point at a target.
He pulled the trigger. A top plasma gauge started glowing bright green. Cassius released his finger from the trigger, swiftly. A small bolt of plasma hit the target and almost broke it in half.
Cassius smiled. "Ten points," he said, smiling. He'd hit the very center and had almost blown the target off the wall.
"Try this weapon," Severus challenged Cassius. He was handing over a Tau fusion blaster. Cassius took it and put the plasma pistol to one side.
He took aim with the gun and pulled the trigger. Nothing. Was he missing something?
Severus leaned in to press a button. "Try it now."
Cassius pulled the trrigger again. This time a beam of heat exploded from the barrel. It hit the target with force enough that the target blew off the wall. He'd also melted a hole in the wall.
"What the hell is this?" Cassius asked, bemused.
"That's a Fusion Blaster Cassius," Severus answered. "It's a Tau weapon, very useful if you're in a melta fight."
"Cool. I'll keep this for later. Any other weapons?"
Severus returned, now holding a chaos lascannon. "What's this?"
"A Las weapon," Cassius said, not knowing what it actually was. "It's a daemon weapon, seeing as it has Slaanesh on the barrel and the Chaos Undivided on the side."
"It's a Lascannon. Nice weapons in my opiniom. They are probably the most powerful weapons created by the Adeptus Astartes."

About an hour later, Cassius noticed something. He had now got up to using the Autogun, an automatic shotgun. He'd already learned how to use most weapons by now.
"Okay... Listen, I have a question. You've only showed me two types of weapons so far, what gives?"
"You'll be up against the Tau-Chaos Empire. The chapter there is led by an Inquisitor-Lord Mordeus who mutated himself in the name of the daemon gods. He is a fine warrior of Horus and a self-procaimed prophet of Slaanesh, Khorne and Tzeentch."
"Whatever happened to the other gods?"
"Mordeus killed a daemon of Nurgle before founding his chapter."
"What's his chapter called?"
"We know nothing of his chapter, but we do know that he has taken over a cardinal world called-"
There was a loud bang nearby. The wall Cassius had blown earlier collapsed.
"Sorry," Cassius said.
"DOn't worry about it. It was inevitable... Now, I must take you to the Thunderhawk. Servitors!"
Five servitors appeared, all carrying bolters in which they had slung over their shoulders with chain.
"I want those crates loaded on to the Thunderhawk. Go!"
The servitors nodded before walking towards the crates. Each servitor picked up a crate and walked out.
"Cassius, please follow them."
Cassius nodded before walking to the servitors.
"Oh, and Cassius?"
Cassius stopped and turned to Severus.
"Good luck. You'll need it."
"Thanks." Cassius walked with the Servitors, taking a Plasma pistol with him.

He was now on the thunderhawk. He'd now been put in to his power armour. On the side of his power armour was the Crux Terminatus. There were also purity seals and imperial markings.
Cassius checked himself. He was in his armour and was ready. He was on a Thunderhawk with ten other Space Marines, every one of them looking different. Two space marines had their helmets off.
A guardsman with a respoirator stepped through a metal door. "Soldiers!" he shouted. "You have been selected as a Kill-team. Your mission, some of you already know of. If you need reminding, here are the orders from the inquisitor himself."

---

Please leave comments, including criticism if you wish.

My Tyranid Hive Fleet is now called Hive Fleet Mandragora. Their main colour is green with a fleshy carapace.
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"The Emperor's light alone will I follow. I am commanded by no other, for he is the true emperor, and saviour to our people. In his name I shall fear no danger nor feel the greatest suffering from my enemy." - Tyranus Morin, Deserted Legion Chapter Master

Wolf
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« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2006, 04:35:08 PM »

good writing, but i get the feeling its turning un-fluffy and slightly cheesy 1st person shooter story line ^^, like firewarrior style
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« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2006, 05:16:43 PM »

I agree with Wolf, writing is good but you got to be careful with the story to keep the 40k atomosphere. I get the feeling that if you continue this way we're getting another Chapter 1-style story soon.

Also, I spotted some fluff mistakes there. AFAIK, lascannons and other marine technology is not invented by themselves. It's also very unlikely for anything in the Imperium having chaos items and actually be showing them around. It would be considered like someone would show you something containing plague.
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AAAAAAH!

Brother-Captain Severus, Deserted Legion 3rd Company Master
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« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2006, 12:44:15 PM »

Hmmm...  I actually agree with you there. My story may soon turn in to a "Chapter 1". I'll suerly be careful to avoid that.
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"The Emperor's light alone will I follow. I am commanded by no other, for he is the true emperor, and saviour to our people. In his name I shall fear no danger nor feel the greatest suffering from my enemy." - Tyranus Morin, Deserted Legion Chapter Master

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« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2006, 02:16:21 PM »

A space marine saying "cool"?
O.o
Apart from that, and the fluff mistakes pointed out, its pretty good. Cheesy
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f it's stupid, but it works, it's not stupid.

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