Yes, another story >:D

[Rebellion]

For those who remember me, im back
For those who dont, hey.
Anyway, here i go  :twisted:

As they rumbled towards the planet in thier drop pod, Battle Brother Arko intoned the Litany of hate with the rest of his squad and the company chaplain. As they chanted, they readied their weapons, switching off safeties (Spelling? o.o) and blessing them. Chaplain ablain readied his crozius and Sergent Zane Thumbed the activation rune on his chain-axe.
Soon, they would honour the name of the White scars chapter.
                                                        -
Explosions blossomed ahead as Arko leapt out of the drop pod and hammered bolter shots into the incoming tide of tyranids. They screamed as they were tore apart by the tactical squads bolters, and as brother Scavious' flamer burnt their muscular bodies to ashes. Lights filled the sky as their battle barge, Lightbringer, Engaged with the tyranid hive ship.
Pumping even more shots into the Xenos, Arko and his squad worked towards their goal. The Imperial out-post, where the planets resident space marine chapter, The revilers, dtored their precious gene seed deep underground, in frozen vaults.

More next time, folks

[Rebellion]

No comments? Oh well

They were near the outpost now. It was only a few kilometers away, but the tyranids resistance was incredible. There were thousands of them. A Huge, monsterous one towered above the smaller xenos and roared with bestial fury. The space marines countered that with a volley of autocannon fire from a nearby land raider crusader. The huge thing screamed and fired back with a...thing on its second and third arms. The landraider's tracks were buckled by the blast, and it remained stationary. But it continued to fire. Arko charged towards a big one close to him. It screeched at him, and swiped with its claws.
                                                        -
Arko grunted as he felt the claws tear through his power armour, but he ignored the pain and concentrated on firing his bolter at the things head. But he couldn't feel his hand anymore. Instead, he punched the thing in the face with his left hand. It connecting with a crunch, and the alien wheeled away. Looking down, he realised his arm was shorn off at the elbow. As the shock settled in, his body tried to repair the damage. Before he blacked out, he heard shouts, gunfire and inhuman screaming.
                         
2 paragraphs a day keep the Angry mob asking for more story away!
See you next time.

[Brother-Captain Severus, Deserted Legion 3rd Company Master]

Pretty cool writing. Keep it up!

[migb]

Nice one.

Oh, there is an angry mob for you.
They are asking for more story.  :wink:

[Fulgrim]

yes, and that mob is huge

Good stuff, makes you want to read more

[Wolf]

right, good writing techniques, keep it up, you write as though you were writing a novel, not a action scene, which is what alot of fan writing does. novel is good tho, the techniques used makes the story sounds and flow better
only  point, tis all happening a tad quick, will this slow down or will more depth be added later
ps. ur talk of tyranids and what not have urged me to write about the battle between the 1st company Ultramarines and behomoth on macrage at the polar fortress, and yall know what that means... basically, a story of a giant last stand  :twisted:

[Rebellion]

Oh you and your last stands, wolf....  :wink:
Anyway, here we go.

Zane saw Arko go down, and grimaced. He directed Scavious to fire his flamer over his body, and got Brother Golka to drag him behind their line.An apothecarion was sent to care for him. Then, Zane returned to the act of hacking apart as many xeno scum as he could. They were still gaining ground, but...
An explosion nearby knocked half the squad off their feet. A rhino had just exploded, it's engine pierced by the claws of some monster. That monster was nothing but a half disintigrated lub now, near the blackened shell of the transport.  A devastator squad ran to it, and used it as cover. Zane heard the chaplain whisper a prayer for the squad inside the rhino, and sliced another tyranid in two. Fighting and firing, Zane and his squad battled on.
                                                     -
Arko dreamt. He dreamt he was a child again, some century ago...
His home, in flames..... his mother, calling for help. His father, being killed by a swarm....his brother...
No! The though bubbled into his dream. He would not re-live how the White scars found him, hiding in the woods, half starved...
He awoke, with a gasp, as a white figure loomed over him. For a moment, it looked as if it was the emperor himself, then the image faded, and an apothecarion appeared.
"Lets get you away from this, brother..." he said. The apothecary helped him up, and he looked around. In the distance, he could hear fighting and explosion. Carcasses littered the ground, the majority of them tyranids, but there were a few fallen white figures dotted about. An alien stirred nearby, and the apothecary quickly despatched of it.
"Are you okay to walk?" He said, reloading his bolt gun.
"Yes, I think." said Arko, wincing as he remebered his stump. His advanced healing had scabbed it over, but he still felt giddy from blood-loss. Grimacing, he walked after the apothecary.

You like? I might actually type this up in word when its finished...see how big it is. Over 140 pages, might consider giving to a publisher or something. Thanks for good comments, as well

[Fulgrim]

Over 140 pages! :O Man, you've had some serious free time. If the rest is as good as this go try to publish it. It might actually even work.

But as for the story, I liked. Good balance between moving the plot forwards and describing the battle. For a short fan fic this is exceptionally good. As a whole novel, I'd probably go and read it.

[Wolf]

alltho enver a fan of the white scars, still would be a nice read

[Rebellion]

Never seen a white scars novel/fan fic, so i thought I'd cook one up
Anyways, here we go again...

A ravener burst from the ground at Zanes feet. Growling, it leapt at the sergent (Never could spell that right  :? ). He hacked a limb off of it, and it screamed with rage. The ravener swung a claw at his chest, but he ducked and shot it through its abdomen with his plasma pistol. With a gaping hole in it, the Ravenor fell back, only to be trampled on by tyranid that leapt on Zane. They pushed him to the groound, and as one, lifted their claws and...
Were cleaved in half by a Crozius Arcanum. The chaplian helped him and, and shot an approaching xeno is the skull with his pistol. Nodding his thanks, Zane picked up his pistol and started shooting. The outpost was in sight now, a dark, foreboding structure. There were figures in power armour on the balconies, shooting tyranid off the walls with bolters. Must be the Revilers... thought Zane. He and the squad fought on, the line of White figures slowly advancing on the tyranids.
                                                   -
Arko was led to the Scars outpost, a half ruined imperial cathredral in what was left of a small town. Hastly constructed barricades and sandbag barriers where circled around the building, a few space marines behind each. There were buildings made out of flakboard and wood, and peering out of the windows were the ragged citizens and PDF troopers of the town.
"The infirmary is this way, brother." said the apothecary. Arko nodded and followed him to a miraculously (Spelling again :S) unscathed 2 story building. He entered, and the smell immediatly found him. Anti-septic, soap and the faint whiff of blood. The Apothecary led him to a bed.
"Remain here. I will return soon to prepare you for the grafting of a new arm and hand...and we'll see what we can do about getting you somemore ceramite for the gap." He said.
Arko nodded again, and sat on the mattres.He took another look at his stump, and saw that it had scarred over, the tissue pink-purple. A serf from the barge brought him his bolter, where the Apothecary must of picked it up. He took it from the mind wiped servent, and muttered a prayer to thank the machine spirit whithin it for not abandoning him. With nothing else to do, Arko delved into his memories, back to when he was initiated....

Next time I got something good planned....
Good comments again, thanks a bunch.

[Rebellion]

As you noticed, I couldn't be bothered to make up a name for the story. And the planet. And the fleet their fighintg. Etc. Probably touch up on that later...
Anyway, lets get back to the story

Arko remembered...
He staggered through the forest, half dead, with only a few scraps of clothing left. Screams could be heard in the distance. His eyes were puffy with crying. He'd ran while the...aliens...had attacked his village. He had been playing with his friends outside when, suddenly, a huge..Thing..burst from the ground, collapsing houses as if they were made of card. Its roared, and aliens came from pouches on its huge body. He ran as fast as he could, back to his house to warn his father. He was already outside, a look and grim certainy on his face.
"Father, we have to get out of here-'" He was cut off by his fathers stare. He was clutching a bolt pistol, a family heirloom that had been handed down for generations. He handed it to him, and said
"Run, Arko. Get as far away form here as you can. The woods a few kilometers east should hide you..."
"But father-"
"GO!"
Arko hugged his father, and ran. He heard shouts and screams behind him, and he recognized his father bellowing the prayer of delivereance at the top of his voice. Looking behind, he saw him running into the incoming horde with a dagger... only to be shredded by a swarm of smaller aliens.
"NO!" Arko cried, as his father was enveloped by the horde. Foiring a few clumsy shots behind him with his fathers bolt pistol, he ran. And he cried.
                                                    -
Zane punched his blade into the head of a tyranid, and kicked another in the chest with a crunch. They were only a few hundred meters away from the great gates of the outpost now, or what was left of them. A massive beast had bawled into them, crushing the great iron doors with claws as thick as himself. The gates had crumpled, as if they were paer, and fallen inwards. That was only a few minutes ago. Brother Scavious' flamer was almost all used up, but he was making the most of it, burning tens of monsters at a time. Pausing to lob a krak grenade, Zane wondered how the rest of the force from their battle barge was doing. Half had been sent hre, while the other half had been sent to the main hive city. Nearby, a dreadnought punched a whole through the abdomen of a creature similiar to the one which had destryoed the gates to the outpost with it's power fist.. The monsters screamed, and fell, crushing many other aliens. The dreadnought clanked on top of the corpse, and shot death at the enemy with its autocannon appendage. The white scars force was slowly, but surely, winning over the tyranids. The White Scars fought on, ever closer to reaching their goal.

More next time, folks. And I'll be continuing the story of Arko's Initiation, too.

[Wolf]

looking good- carry on

[Rebellion]

Eh, the forums buggered up for me. Every post, says ERROR when i say submit. Lost about 6 paragraphs just now...  :evil:
Too pissed off to re-write at the moment, will try and write tomorrow.
Sorry...

[Rebellion]

Yeah. I did it again >.< Disappeared....eh...lets just get onto the story.

Arko delved even deeper into his memories...
Arko awoke,every muscle in his body stiff and aching. He got up from his bed of leaves and looked around. He'd run into the forest the day before, and stumbled upon a giant tree with the roots forming a sort of hollow near the ground, making it a great shelter from the rain. He'd woken many times in the night, hearing bug-like sounds in the forest all around him. Now, however, there was no sound. Not even the birds singing. Then he heard a crack, like a twig braking and whirled around to see two yellow eyes staring right back at him. He yelped and tried to run, but his legs were frozen. The thing in front of him opened its mouth to reveal a gaping maw of sharp, curved teeth. It screamed as it leapt towards him, but in mid-leap there was a booming roar and the thing was blown into bits. Arko collapsed, gore and bits of flesh covering him. He could hear footsteps coming towards him, and he turned his head and saw shining white greaves of a material he didn't recognize.
Veteran Sargent Zane looked down on a young boy, wearing nothing but rags and covered in tryranid ichor.
"Brother-captain,"he said into his helmet's vox, "I've found a survivor."

Bolter blasting, Brother-Apothecary Poll of the Revilers chapter was forced to pull back even further into the compound. He punched his reductor through the head of a chittering alien, as his squad fired volley after volley of bolts at the horde storming the hallway. Bodies lined the walls, piled to the ceiling in some places. Ichor covered the floor, making the polished steel slippy. A krak grenade exploded nearby, shrapnel bouncing off the walls and creating a metallic storm, shreding flesh to a mist. Aliens screamed, Space Marines yelled, and bolters fired. The revilers were being pushed back, but the tyranids were paying the price.

[Wolf]

stop disappearing and finish story lol